I simply cannot believe that this year has zoomed by so quickly. As I sit here and review the year, the usual questions fill my mind: Have I accomplished everything I wanted to this year? Is my checklist for things-to-do complete? Can I knock off work and get into the Christmas spirit and head for the chilling wine in the fridge? Of course I can - there's always time for wine...what am I even saying?
I'm sure that everyone does the same thing. If not, then I am the only idiot that does - make checklists, that is - and New Year's resolutions still hold fast in my mind like a mother's scathing words.
For me, my main objective this year was as to get published. And, mission accomplished! My biggest goal achieved and realized, so the rest of the checklist pretty much took care of itself. Not. Checklists are never completed and never over. Like mobile phone minutes, they rollover into the next year.
This year, I made a bargain with myself. If I did not get published by the time I hit forty, then I'd better pack it up for the time being and try again in about five years - or think seriously about calling it quits and come to the realization that writing really isn't for me after all. What a sucky thought, but, let's be practical here: sometimes, there really is just that one wonder of sliced bread and the rest of us have no choice but to be happy with our lot and eat it.
As the time drew near for my impending 'coming of age' celebrations, the crunch was on...like a certain gritted teethed desperation and that underlying hum of a constant and ever-emphatic cuss-fest as I crossed out another day, week, month of being unpublished. To put it bluntly, the words 'fucking-hell' (and varying variants) became my new best friend. My outlook was not looking too bright.
And, then, one day, the good news comes in, clinging right on the heels - weeks, really - before my 'coming of age' debut. Life is brilliant once more, the heart feels light and nothing that happens after that is wrong, ugly or intolerable. Like the appliances, Life's Good!
So, as I rewind the year that's come to pass, I can honestly say that this year, out of a lot of previously disappointing years: I have achieved something! And isn't it amazing how with achievement, you feel inspired? Truly inspired! Not just creatively, but generally speaking. The motivation for striving forward is sparked and nothing can stop you now. However, when writer's block hits you full in the face like a brick wall and you're back, flat on your ass, moaning about how life sucks, the world can be a mean old bastard.
Speaking of which, I am inflicted with that condition once again. The Eternal Knot is proving to be a very challenging story to tell. I know what I want to say, it's just the 'getting there' that's flinging all sorts of obstacles my way. Maybe its the fact that I know it's the last in the trilogy and breaking up is hard to do...maybe.
Maybe its just Christmas and there's so many things to do that my mind is full of food, drink and good company - including creating a new checklist with the said rollover minutes from this year...
Here's to a Merry Christmas and the very best for 2010 !!!