This week, I bring you a snippet from my current work in progress, Bengaria's War. This is a story set way into the future, where man has colonized star systems, wages war to steal other Systems, grow cabbages and sword fight, shoot energy guns and fly Nezu-class warships...while drinking tea.
The story centers around my protagonist, Ryn Bengaria, the daughter of a farmer who finds herself married to a King and at the brink of war as the evil Regent Sibur tries to steal their System. Along the way, they encounter the Nezu colony.
In this scene, Ryn sets eyes for the first time on the Nezu...
Commander Thrater walked in, unhurried, flanked by two others. They were similar in appearance, dressed in muted black and silver, clad in moulded armour, which enhanced their chests, shoulders, and their forearms and legs. Each wore black gloves with burr-like protrusions along the outer wrists, knee-high boots in similar fashion. Across their hips, weapons she’d never seen before draped from their belts, along with tadra blades and odd-looking objects that caught the light.
From Ryn’s vantage point, with the sunlight filtering through intermittently, they looked to her like ancient warlords returning from a battle, proud and stoic. With their purposeful stride, which sounded like steady drums beating in the silent hall, they lazily swept their gazes around them as if marching through a crowd-filled street. The only thing missing was the roar of cheers and the proud prancing of their equally heroic steeds.
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Cheers!
Fabulous descriptions here - absolutely love it!
ReplyDeleteWow - this sounds awesome. I'm particularly looking forward to the tea-drinking. I want to see these men, with their armored hands, trying to lift those delicate, porcelain cups.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, though. Really great descriptions here. Even before you wrote the line, I was already thinking the same thing - like ancient feudal warlords returning from battle!
Woot!
Well, now. I didn't plan on having them drinking tea...but that image of them triggers clumsy fingered warriors with their pinkies up in the air sitting on tiny cushions. Very interesting....
DeleteThe Commander and his minions seem like bad, bad dudes...definitely great stuff here!
ReplyDeleteFantastic descriptions in this snippet!
ReplyDeleteReally paints a picture and sets up the scene! I learn quite a bit about the Nezu (and about Ryn) through Ryn's perceptions of them.
ReplyDeleteYou use metaphor well--I'm always impressed by that in other writers because I don't use the device very often.
Loved this description of the Nezu--what an interesting group! Well done.
ReplyDeleteI like: “purposeful stride, which sounded like steady drums beating in the silent hall.” You managed to get impressions across with the mere mention of something not even in the scene, (heroic steed). This first impression was an outstanding use of description!
ReplyDelete"in the silent hall, they lazily swept their gazes around them as if marching through a crowd-filled street."
ReplyDeleteI love the way you used those words to showcase the Nezu Colony.
I loved the way you provide the reader with a few details of the armor, but there is still some room for imagination. My favorite image was "Each wore black gloves with burr-like protrusions along the outer wrists"
I love the picture you paint here. You capture the image of a conquering hero very clearly and I found my heart pounding just reading this!
ReplyDeleteLikening the Commander and his men to ancient warriors really drives home the point that these are not men to be trifled with. They really walked in OWNING the place.
Amazing descriptions in this snippet! I can picture the whole scene clearly. Definitely want to stay on the Nezu's good side.
ReplyDeleteI right there with her. Great writing, TK :-) And good description of their attitudes.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone. I must admit, the Nezu are a very interesting bunch of people...I had great fun creating them. Just think old fashioned, pig-brained warriors with a very intuitive and noble streak in them. Such a contradiction, I know...
ReplyDeleteConnected to the Nezu-class warships? Sounds like their armor is designed to be intimidating. Are the warships?
ReplyDeleteOh yah!
DeleteYou paint such a fabulous picture here. I can totally see the marching warriors and the attitude they carry so strongly in their postures and gaits....
ReplyDeleteGreat description, I'm hooked! :)
ReplyDelete