Science Fiction Fantasy Saturday (SFFSat) is a place where a bunch of us post snippets from our written works and also shoot the breeze a little. And before I get ahead of myself, thanks and appreciation as always to those who stop by and leave fantastic comments.
The story is about a young woman, Ranger Serafina Derwynde, who works for the Acquisition Guild - an agency that procures and retrieves items of historical and human interest. Sort of like an official scavenging agency, with training and university studies specifically targeted to such items of interest and their historical background. Not to mention ways and means to successfully procure them - by whatever means (force) necessary.
Last week, Serafina stumbled across a hulking generation ship - one thought to have been lost for millennia. After a few lines where I describe her searching the database to compare the image of the old ship and determine whether or not it is, in fact, an actual generation ship, we move on to this, another cheerful exchange between her on board interface, Bertram...(By the way, I came up with the word 'solam' since it just sounded cooler than kilometers or whatever-meters).
A distance counter flickered underneath stating the
mystery ship was a thousand solams away, picked up by her No.2 probe.
“Satisfied?”
Ignoring the interface's muttered response,
Serafina squinted at both images and with a raggedy-nailed finger, she flicked the corner of
the schematics display to let it rotate a full 360ยบ, glancing at the image
No. 2 broadcasted. They looked the same.
“Scan it for life signs,” she
instructed the AI.
“I tried.”
Serafina expelled a breath with
a groan. “And?”
“My signal bounced back...it’s
blocking me.”
“What?”
Cheers!
Ooh exciting little twist there at the end. Nice :)
ReplyDeleteOh and for what it's worth (not much probably) I like Lost Legacy.
Haha! Thanks! I shall keep that title in consideration.
DeleteA generation ship with stealth technology? Intriguing!
ReplyDeleteMy vote is for Lost Legacy, too. No bias there! ;)
Of course! Come on, this is the future...we've got stealth tech and then some. Right? Well, I hope so... Thanks. Another vote for Lost Legacy.
DeleteI really, really like the premise of this WIP. I'd really like to know what the setting is. Perhaps in your next snippet, you could give a sentence or two more of set-up to describe the setting? Nice snippet!
ReplyDeleteLost Legacy sounds great!
I suppose I could mention a little more.... :D Yet another vote for Lost Legacy.
DeleteThe No. 2 Probe - the only probe officially approved by the Acquisition Guild. I love the whole premise here and I'm already a fan of the Acquisition Guild concept and I want to see their training facilities!! Great tension building about the ship!
ReplyDeleteThank you! Yeh, I quite like the Acquisition Guild myself. Like those seagulls in Finding Nemo: "Mine, mine, mine..." Now you've given me some ideas to include into the Guild's training facilities. Thanks...will have to add these in.
DeleteNow, isn't that peculiar? An ancient ship that should't existed blocking a signal. I'm sure it's hiding something dangerous, and that makes it all the more interesting. Haunting and exciting.
ReplyDeleteIndeed! Stuff that makes you go: 'OH!!" Thanks, JM. Glad you likey.
DeleteI like that you came up with a new word for measurement....I always struggle with this. We're so ingrained with meters or feet and inches that we don't stop to think that an alien/future race might not use these at all. Good world-building!
ReplyDeleteThank you!! I always think that everything evolves over time. The way we look, speak, and act. So, why not measurements and certain nouns, right?
DeleteI like Lost Legacy. It popped out at me.
ReplyDeleteI like that you invented a brand new word for the measurements. I don't think I've even thought about that in my worldbuilding before, but it's awesome that you did!!!
I like Bertram's characterization. In his two words, "I tried," I got the tone: "I already did that. There's no need to walk me through this. I'm not new to this." Haha. And the fact that Serafina has to ask him for further details makes a pretty sweet read.
Aaaand the ship blocking the scans??? I'm intrigued!!!
How ominous...
ReplyDeleteI really like Bertram. He feels like a character even though he's AI. That's some great world building you've got going.
One of the things you have to watch out for in using strange names for units is giving some clue as to what they mean. Is the ship at arm's length? Or a thousand miles away? That's why I generally give things in terms of fingerwidths or armspans, or time zone widths on a planet, or light year, all of which are understandable but not confined to a specific language. (At least not once you've established the length of a year.)
ReplyDeleteBest take my advice and just leave the thing be...nothing good comes from poking around where people are trying to keep you away. Unless of course, you're looking for an engaging story...in which case, carry on. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI like THE ACQUISITION OF THE LEVI, personally. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I love this snippet! They're jamming them. :) So perhaps that generation ship isn't empty after all....