Today's SFFSat will be the final little snippet from my work in progress, Bengaria's War. Next week, I'll showcase another WIP...not sure which one just yet.
Bengaria's War is a tale set way into the future, where man has colonized star systems, wages war to steal other Systems, grow cabbages and sword fight, shoot energy guns and fly Nezu-class warships...while drinking tea.
Bengaria's War is a tale set way into the future, where man has colonized star systems, wages war to steal other Systems, grow cabbages and sword fight, shoot energy guns and fly Nezu-class warships...while drinking tea.
The tale centres around, Ryn Bengaria, the daughter of a farmer who finds herself married to a King and at the brink of war as the evil Regent Sibur tries to steal their System. Along the way, they encounter the Nezu colony.
In this scene, we have the unscrupulous former Regent, Xin Sibur. He sits pondering his devious plans when his aide disturbs him...
“We are in position, sir.” An aide’s dull monotone interrupted his thoughts.
“Are we still in the clear?” Sibur inspected a snag in his fingernail. He preferred not to make eye contact with his subordinates; they might consider it as being friendly. “How much longer?”
“Yes, sir. Xale’s sensors haven’t detected us as yet—the shroud is working. One hour, latest. The governor usually takes an early dinner on her terrace. We can drop our team in directly overhead and take her.”
“Excellent.” Sibur stood, straightening his jacket with a sharp tug. “Alert me when it’s done.”
If you're interested in participating in next week's SFF Saturday, stop by their sign-up blog which is open every Wednesdays. And don't forget to follow the rules and use the #SFFSat hashtag.
Cheers!
Like the line about they might consider his eye contact as friendly. Also the idea of a 'shroud' being some kind of camouflage.
ReplyDeleteGreat snippet.
ReplyDeleteI love Bengaria's War! Nice characterization. You really get a feel for his character.
ReplyDeletePerhaps it's this cold that's clouding my head, but I find my self pondering the question: how come unscrupulous and devious former Regents are never named Bob? Or Joe, for that matter?
ReplyDeleteI'm just sayin'...
:)
Adding on to Cary's comment, why do we seldomly see such characters as having a rich social life? They hardly ever have an entourage of buddies with whom they just like to hang. Just an observation.
ReplyDeleteRegardless, great stuff!
Hehe...you guys are funny! Next book I write, the villain will have a rocking social life, and be called Bob! Thanks for stopping by. Love your comments!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a coincidence, we talked about dialogue this week in my class. Yours is great. I love how you used the actions of the characters to indicate natural pauses during speech as well as identify who was speaking. Great job! The actions also gave me a good sense of the characters' personalities.
ReplyDeleteThat avoidance of eye contact is great.
ReplyDeleteI like the shroud idea! Super tech name, so nefarious.
ReplyDeleteGotta love devious folk! Fantastic snippet, as always!
ReplyDeleteYeah, not liking Sibur that much. ;-) Great job with the dialogue and body language.
ReplyDeleteGreat snippet! You definitely get a sense of Sibur from this one, and like Angelia mentioned, he's not one I like all that much. ;-)
ReplyDeleteLove it! Very visual for me and I love the shroud idea.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone for your great comments! Always good to see!! Much appreciated.
ReplyDelete